With so much free time, I’ve started to feel guilty for not spending it more productively. Instead of working on a plan for world domination, mornings are spent sleeping in late and surfing the web. Then I wander down to the beach to read, usually followed by drinks at a cafe. Later in the evening is a simple dinner and an early bedtime. In between, there are an abundance of moments where my mind wanders into space, not thinking about anything at all. OK, so it doesn’t sound that bad when written, but I still feel I could do more with the day.

I acknowledge part of this trip is learning to accept/dismiss guilt and move past it, to just enjoy the moment and not be so concerned about what I could be doing or thinking. It’s also about learning the importance of building your own happiness, since there’s no one else to provide it. Both are easier said than done!

There are moments I feel quite lonely, which is amplified by being in a major city, surrounded by people from all over the world. While in the countryside, I find it’s normal to be and feel alone since there are physically less people around you. In cities however, I feel much more of an outsider, not having friends to chat with and having challenges making new friends with locals. Surrounded by all this potential to connect and yet not connecting, I feel isolated.

What’s cute is I occasionally see people wearing shirts with slogans such as “live in the moment” or “be happy and travel” and I sheepishly admit it temporarily lifts my spirit. Living the dream isn’t always as awesome as one imagines, and I’m learning this journey isn’t as straightforward as anticipated.

For example, there have been some losses along the way:

  • Left the GoPro in a hotel in Buenos Aires, and everyone claimed not to have found it. I don’t blame the cleaning lady, since opportunities make the criminal and it’s an expensive toy. I had to wait until South Africa before buying another, since prices in Argentina were 4 times that of Canada, and then the new one didn’t work properly. Returning it was a pain in the ass, since the store was at the airport, past security and I had to heavily negotiate with the lady to replace it on the spot.
  • They lost my luggage in Sao Paulo, so I had to buy some new clothes and manage in Cape Town for 4 days. This wasn’t so bad, since my visa card compensates me up to $500 CAD and I got a sweet pair of really comfortable sandals.
  • My GoPro gimbal broke, and after shedding a tear for the loss, I realized bringing it probably wasn’t the best idea in the first place. It’s too delicate and I was stressed about it being stolen.
  • Lost my phone in an Uber, but was luckily able to quickly retrieve it. Thankfully there was a friendly neighbour nearby to call my phone.
  • Lost my wallet near the beach. I don’t exactly know how this happened but it’s the biggest loss so far; credit card, debit card and driver’s license, gone. I carefully retraced my steps and asked around, but it was truly gone. Interestingly, it took a long time for me to leave the area because I felt that by doing so, it was admitting defeat. The process for getting replacements are in progress, but it’s a long and painful process. I also need to depend on others for help, which is something I’m not used to.

Now that the worst loss is behind me (I hope!), I’m trying to draw strength knowing future challenges will be easier. I also remind myself I still have my health and sweet new sandals, so things aren’t THAT bad.