During the previous week, while cruising on the motorcycle, I reflected on my upcoming return to Montreal. The thoughts invoked several emotions, from sadness to acceptance to anticipation.
Over the last year and half, I definitely lost and found myself. That was easy enough to do. I lost track of time, lost the need to overthink situations, lost the need to be liked by everyone, lost the ability to be easily embarrassed and lost the need for certain comforts of life. On the other side, I found self-support, found self-fulfillment, found inner happiness, found more pleasure in the little things and found new friends around the world. These are just some of the many reasons why I’m thoroughly grateful for this sabbatical. It has been the experience of a lifetime, with a lifetime of memories in a relatively short period of time.
Did I accomplish everything I wanted to? I’m not so sure. Before leaving, I started to write about the things I wanted to achieve, but I never finished the article and never went back to update it. Although I feel new and improved in many small ways, I also feel I could have bettered some things even more. For example, I am now quite comfortable dealing with uncertainty, but am not significantly better dealing with time-related stress. Heck, my life has slowed down so much I might be worse off than when I started.
I could have taken the opportunity to learn some new skills, such as sleight of hand magic or learn a new language, but after a few weeks on the road, my effort level plunged. Part of me wanted to just enjoy the moments, and not focus on anything, but I regret that now. By maintaining a small but consistent level of effort, I could have been in a much stronger position now.
Unlike the one year mark, I truly feel it’s time for me to return home. I greatly miss my family and need to spend time with them. My aging father recently needs a walking cane to rise from bed, and I want to enjoy his company while he’s still fully operational. Sammy has been asking me to take him to the arcade, and that would be a great pleasure.
People have asked what will I do upon my return. In truth, I’m not certain, but I would like to start by playing tourist in my own country, to ride my motorcycle for a few weeks and visit a few friends in Ontario. In summer, I’ll join my family in Barry’s Bay, the lakeside community I used to visit as a child.
Also, Weronika is returning with me, and I’m very excited to show her Canada. She’s never been to North America, and there’s a lot to show her. We’ll start with everything between Quebec City and Niagara Falls before heading south to Boston and New York City. It will be thrilling to revisit these places through her eyes.
I don’t expect the return to be easy, and have heard the repatriation process can be quite challenging; people have moved on since I left, and the familiar won’t been as familiar. I will need to lean on my family and friends for support during a transition period.
Perhaps I’ll love Montreal more than ever, or perhaps I’ll feel it’s not my home anymore and move on after a few months. Time will tell. But for now, I’m really looking forward to being there.
