It’s been 7 months and 12 countries since I left Montreal, and enormous amount of emotions arose recently. They have continued for longer than previous moments, so a friend suggested I dig deeper and write them down, to clearly identify what these feelings are and why I was experiencing them.
Let’s begin with some positives.
Solo traveling for long periods opens the door for self-discovery and I’ve learned many things about myself. I’ve pushed my comfort zone, tested my boundaries and grown from the experiences. I’ve learned how to recover from my mistakes and other unexpected events, to see positives when things go wrong. I’ve followed my passions and acknowledged you can never go wrong when pursing strong feelings, even if they don’t bring you the results you were hoping for. It brings me great pleasure and sense of self-worth when act in congruent with who I am, and displeasure when oppose my self.
When traveling, I’ve learned you need be to
- adaptable, since things can and will change unexpectedly
- patient, to handle the things that change and to accept yourself
- understanding about efficiency, since not every moment will be perfectly timed
- understanding about money loss, as part of being inefficient means wasting money
Everyday can be any adventure, and everyday I see something new.
Constantly meeting new people is exciting! The challenge however, is the word “constantly”; you’re constantly saying hello, introducing yourself, where you’re from and why you’re able to travel for so long. Then, from anywhere between a couple of hours to a couple of days, you’re constantly saying goodbye.
From this, a sense of emptiness and loneliness started. Emptiness because I’m not able to build a lasting relationship with anyone, and loneliness because I desire to be with people that already know and love me.
Before leaving, I mentally prepared to be homesick, and it took 7 months to strike. Despite all the Skype dates with my parents and my brother’s family, I miss them dearly. I miss hugging them, laughing with them. I miss play dates with my nephew, tickling him and teaching him about the world.
I miss my friends, going out for drinks and having dinner parties. I miss feeling more productive with my day and using my brain to build something. I miss my motorcycle. I miss Montreal in the summer, firmly believing it’s one of the world’s most interesting places in June and July.
It’s also tiring to regularly move from city to city, from country to country. It’s tiring to pack your things and say goodbye, because the desire to see what’s around the next corner keeps pulling you along. It’s tiring to eat out 3 times a day, since it’s challenging to cook in most places I stay (plus, you know, I hate cooking).
Hopefully these negative feelings will soon die a painful death and I can continue the great adventure!
“If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is… an opportunity to get to know YOU, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but YOU for your happiness… you will realize that a little loneliness goes a LONG way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful YOU.”
― Mandy Hale
